I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize