Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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