One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
