finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
