Me. At least after what I've been through.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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