Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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