Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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