my mouth tastes like poor choices
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
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i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
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I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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