Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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