The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
