i think my tv is drunk
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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