I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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