I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
