Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
