i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
