i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
