you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
