I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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