When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
