i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
