Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
