I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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