So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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