I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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