I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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