This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
