it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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