Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
