Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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