You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
