New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
