Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
