I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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