ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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