I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
