Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Of course I have a pirate flag
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
