There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
