let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
