Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
