My balls are so social today.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
