I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
