Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
