Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
