11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We got so high we made milksteak
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
