Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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