id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
