Just fell off a train. Bad.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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