Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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