whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
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i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
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Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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