Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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