Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
