Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize