And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
