how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
