I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
