Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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