i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
