if i can run in heels then i can drive
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
