if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
