The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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