some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
