is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
