weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
