yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
