if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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