The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
