I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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