Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
