But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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