I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
