im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
