I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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