Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
