I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
