well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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