once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
