Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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